if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
