I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
