woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
