Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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