we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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