im holly from the hills drunk
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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