Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
