So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
