Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
