i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
