If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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