My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
