Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
