This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
