it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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