Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
