He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Randomize
