i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
