Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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