I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
