Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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