i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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