there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
