I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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