my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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