If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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