just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
