Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
