You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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