i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
