were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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