Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
