when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
