Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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