Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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