wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
