apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
