imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just gift wrapped bread.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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