The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
