I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
time to smoke my breakfast
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
