Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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