Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
