I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
