They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
