Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
