he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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