He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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