"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
