Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
