I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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