low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
