I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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