i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
