So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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