Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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