im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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