I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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