Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
