i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
