I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
