can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i wish my penis had a tongue
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
