In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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