Is it normal to miss your booty call?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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