please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
