I think scott just propositioned me for sex
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
