so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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