I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
